It’s been long that i couldn’t write anything, god bless my engineering exams.
So, ongoing is this trend on twitter ‘#yousinglebecause’ and the only thing i know is the person starting this trend is single because of his terrible grammar. Right after coming out of the illusion of being a bonafide grammar expert, i knew it was finally time to give a shot to the preposterous proposal of the prepossessing guy. Like what i told y’all in one of the last articles ‘hey, it’s my first time!’, i sent the stranger a friend request and talking to someone as mesmerizing as him left me deep in a thought: THREAT. NO THREAT. OPEN RELATIONSHIP. NO OPEN RELATIONSHIP. Yes, he asked me for an open relationship and it’s been 3 months that i didn’t give an answer. Although it’s been 3 months, what a 17-year old me thinks then and what an 18-year old me thinks now can be conveniently differentiated. As a 17-year old the best i could be was a threat to chocolates in his pockets but an 18-year old me got a vision long beyond that. (no, being a threat to my favorite appendage in his pants isn’t counted). Despite knowing his ‘seeing someone’ status, i asked him out.
In the meet, gathering all the inner confidence, “The blonde doesn’t suit you. Come with me”, I said. “Give me a reason why”, he smirked. “I can give you ten”, I snorted throwing my arms in the air. The next best thing this smartass had in mind was to hand me his tab and a metal stylus to write them down.
Now if you’re a Taylor Swift fan this challenge isn’t too tough for you. The idea was to cleverly elude myself without getting into trouble. With a tornado in my stomach and Avril Lavigne’s ‘girlfriend’ song playing in my ears I started:
#1 I’m fresh and daring. She’s overdone and trampy.
#2 I’m one of a kind, custom tailored, haute couture. She came right off an assembly line.
#3 She’s a trendy heel that will be out of the style next season. I’m timeless black Manolo Blahnik Mary Jane.
#4 I came in like a wrecking ball. She came in like a microscopic ant.
#5 I’m critically acclaimed, multi-award winning, long running, high rated, fan cherished, tv show. She’s the pilot that never got picked up.
#6 She’s the ‘buy as is’ clearance rack at David’ bridal. I’m costum Alexander Mc’Queen.
#7 She’s the mayor of embarrassment city. I’m the owner of a smart empire.
#8 I’m a rich,pure, full of bold flavor gourmet coffee bean. She’s the 90% off, beg the customer to take it off the shelf decaf.
#9 She’s a quick pit stop along the way that nobody even remembers. I am the final destination.
#10 She’s the day dream believer. I am the homecoming queen.
#+1 She wears short skirts, I wear brand merch. She’s cheer captain and I’m your new girlfriend.
Soon as he read them appeared his million dollar smile showing off his billion dollar lateral incisor after which he slipped the tab in his jerkin’s inside pocket. 6 hours later, his whatsapp status happened to be ‘You can have a smart girlfriend or a normal one. There’s no such thing as having both’. I laughed hard thinking to myself ‘ hey, wasn’t this easy?’
A very few days later, I was blessed with this finest opportunity of meeting my ex on a family occasion he decided to take me to. After a formal introduction, warm handshake and exchanging pleasantries, she said “He’s mine. You’ll either be killed by his short tempered nature or by me”. For a moment i threw a glance at him, the only conclusion sufficingly enough for me was that he’s least interested in her.
Smiling, I said “if it is so, let my tombstone say: ‘Died doing what she loved.Your guy’ “.